My thanks to all those who have sent me e-mails this past year.........

I
must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about cockroach eggs in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I
no longer have a lot of savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I
no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

Or from the
senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me
for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted
my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks
to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I
no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so
a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I
no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's
toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the
seat to cause me instant death when it bites my arse.

And thanks
to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you
don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5 pm
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By
the way... a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read messages with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

:san12: :san12: :san12: